So here I write after a big hiatus, I felt like I could say more here then on fetlife. I could care less about getting on the k&p. I care more about my own self discoveries and maybe sharing a piece of myself with the people I dearly love and care about. The last four months have been a roller coaster of a ride. I was this close to throwing in the towel and what I mean by that is leaving fetlife and maybe kink all together. Talk about a serious decision but honestly that was were I was at before four months ago.
I was lonely and not happy. I would pop in to events ever so often but I felt a disconnect with all my kinky friends and I felt a bit lost. This has happened more than once and it caused me to reflect and question who I really am and what I really desire in my life. I hadn’t played in the longest time or seriously connected to anyone and felt that bliss I had always been searching for but could never find. I wanted to find it, my heart needed to be filled again, my body ached and needed to be touched and I had no clue how to get the things I needed.
Then one day I was on fetlife and saw someone on my friends list post that they wanted a rope bunny/slut because they needed to practice there craft more often. I was slightly curious about this dominant, I didn’t actually know him all that well. But some how he ended up on my friends list and we also had a mutual person in common. Also tons of other kink friends in common so I read his profile fairly thoroughly and even his writings. I like to read just about everything about a person when I am interested in pursuing something. And believe me I was surprised at what I was finding out about him, not in a bad red flag sort of way..the good wow he could be someone I would actually like to get to know variety.
So before I even contacted him I milled over his profile more than once and then made the plunge to contact him. I contacted him and almost immediately got a response back. So we messaged each other back and forth, me asking questions and him giving the responses. To my surprise he answered every question with clarity, no hesitation and that almost through me. So we finally got to the point that he asked to meet, actually it was suppose to be dinner but instead I ended up going to a local munch to meet him and chat.
I went and saw him, when i spotted him, he immediately hugged me. Not sure if I was being tested just then, it was a little strange to be hugged automatically but it felt ok. So in a room full of people we proceeded to talk and get to know each other. He asked me what I was all about, I’m not in the habit of discussing myself a lot with others. But I made the effort to tell him well..I’m bisexual and monogamous. He immediately said “So how does that work?” We’ll I just laughed and I think that put me at ease, he was really kind to me so it was easy to talk to him. Then before you know it he asked me to play, I was going to get tied up and usually my rule is I had to see someone play before I would ever allow a new person to play with me.
I for some reason chose to bypass my rule simply because I felt comfortable with him and I was open to whatever was in store for me. We played and it felt so good to be playing with someone who absolutely loved what they were doing and radiated that. Every touch, Him guiding the rope against my body. Handling me with intent, connecting and making me smile. Probably one of the first times I had in awhile. I kept watching Him and He amazed me, the energy was there between us and His ties were awesome. I took pictures that night and it created a defining moment for me. I couldn’t have picked a better person to do that with.
He sent me home and I thought about the next time we would do that again. I felt like we were on to something, at least I felt like there was something there. I don’t feel like that with other people. Friends I’ve played with it’s always been fun but I never feel like this. I felt like I could go deeper and I didn’t know it then but I got to experience that even more as the months progressed.
He was only looking for a play partner(rope partner) at the time but after hanging out with Him at His house with His close friends one weekend it turned in to something else. It felt organic and natural wasn’t forced at all. We started to go down this M/s path, a path I hadn’t really thought about in a very long time. I actually thought that I didn’t want to be a slave, that I had no desire to delve in to the depths of a relationship like that. Maybe It was fear, I was afraid to let anyone in to my head as much as all that. Let someone really get to know the real me. But I couldn’t help it, it’s what I wanted deep down and He was bringing out something in me. It was there, His master energy and my slave and submissive energy. It worked between us, we went slow and at the pace He wished to go with me. I was hungry and I always wanted more.
He brings out that hunger in me, that desire and it’s amazing to find someone who can do that. So that was the beginning of everything for me. I could talk about us forever but Master has awakened everything I have desired for such a long time. My love, trust, loyalty and devotion in service to Him is my bliss.
Slavery is the path I have been called to finally, it has come full circle from where I started to where I am at now. I’ll talk more about that in another post. But 4 months down and I’ve learned more about myself than I ever thought I could in such a short time. I have more to say but I’ll leave it at this, my heart is full of love and my world feels limitless. That is what He has brought me.