We’ll after a great play session this past weekend I should be fairly happy with the way things have been going for me since I’ve been in the public scene. I’ve been pretty satisfied with this small part of my life and wanting to make it an even bigger part of my life has been a major challenge.
But now I’ve come to this point where I think I want to back off a bit and maybe take care of personal stuff and get back to the things I loved before entering the lifestyle. I mean I can only go to so many parties and meet so many people and then find that it’s just not enough. I crave something deeper with someone who I can connect with on all different levels and what I have experienced so far only leaves me craving that more and more.
Don’t get me wrong I love the friends that I have made but I think that my life is in a bit of a chaotic state which is leaving me craving some type of emotional connection and not just the physical or pain driven by the selective people i have been playing with lately. So i have decided to make a short departure from the public scene until I can get myself together and get my life the way I want it so that eventually I can meet someone who will fulfill my needs and compliment me and the life that I want and desire.
I’ll probably try to blog here about what is happening with me in the meantime, I’ll be in touch with my lifestyle friends but this seems like something I need to do to keep my sanity at the moment. When i figure things out I’ll probably return hopefully with a new sense of self and a positive outlook on my life and the future. I’ll always love kink and I’ll probably miss all the parties and stuff..but it will always be there.
I’m in search of a higher purpose for my life, trying to figure out my plans, goals and the bigger scheme of things. My life is never been a perfect one and with my impending birthday upon me this month, I just figured it was a good time to re-evaluate and do things I needed to do for me.