Tonight

So here I am tonight, I’ve never been one to write my thoughts down on paper much but it seems another creative way for me to get my point across to those who may or may not know me. Looking at my life the last few months has been such a roller coaster for me, I’ve been dating and putting myself out there only to get trampled on by people who obviously didn’t like me as much as they say they did. I’ve been meeting oh so many new people and experiencing my new found freedom one tiny step at a time.

I’ve opened up to people even though I do seem quite shy when you first encounter me. I’m loving the vibes of the people I’m meeting, they are just like me in so many ways, we have things in common and we have a lot of fun. It is so intoxicating to think about only a few months back when I had very few friends at all. I feel so lucky to have found people who like me and want to get to know me.

I also going back to my whole dating exploration have met mostly people who were not right for me at all except for maybe one or two, one of which i am seeing now. I’m not sure if it will develop in to anything, were still getting to know each other but i think hopefully in time it might be something at least meaningful..but who really knows.

I dated someone on and off who actually introduced me to a few things and i always thought we would turn out to be more, i hoped that he would eventually see that we were meant to be together and that we could have a great relationship. But that just didn’t pan out for me, he just never wanted to take it to the next level, it frustrated me to no end and then when he told me that he just couldn’t deal with me, i was completely done and through.

I wish he could have known the deep feelings he had stirred up within me but whatever that could have been between us is pretty much in the past and will just stay there. I’m hoping that sometime in the not too distant future I will meet someone who will complete me in ways i never knew existed. I’m not really talking about fantasy, I’m not interested in getting married or even having kids..I’m a rebel and i like it that way. I want to try to live life on my own terms and not worry about how everyone is living there’s.

I know what i want and i know eventually i might just get it but it’s going to take a lot of time..I’ve waited this long i guess a few more years if that is what it takes won’t destroy me or anything. I want to breathe life, experience it, enjoy it, live it with all the passion and intensity that i can because i know how short it is. I’m a realist and i always will be…but I’m a creative, open, joyful muse and hopefully people see that and know it when they look deep enough.

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